How to have a non-traditional wedding | from a Buckinghamshire based Photographer
What is a non-traditional wedding?
Circa 2009 when Alternative wedding blogs like Rock n Roll brides were getting started a non-traditional wedding would be stereotypical stuff like a black wedding dress or kooky theme, since then I’d like to think more and more people want a ‘non-traditional wedding’ but what that looks like to different couples can be very different. Some people want to go for something dramatic like a gothic themed wedding in an old castle, other may just want to have something quiet and simple with no thrills and no pressure to done a white gown and to most of us I think it’s just wanting permission to question what’s ‘normal’ and make decisions based off what you want as a couple- not outdated tradition.
I’m not about Tradition vs Non-traditional; I’m just about choosing what’s right for your and giving you ALL the permission to plan your dream wedding day.
What is a non-traditional Wedding ceremony?
The wedding ceremony is the part of the wedding which normally where we find most of the traditions. Labelled as ‘The boring bit’ especially amongst guests who can’t wait for the party, a lot of people view this part of the day as a bit where you can’t stray from tradition. However, this doesn’t have to be the case!
The Rise of using celebrants is a much welcome break from cookie cutter boring registry services. Using a celebrant, you can truly opt for a non-traditional ceremony. They get to know you and craft the wedding to your taste and personalities, using in jokes and personal touches. And the best bit- because they don’t legally marry you can add any traditions or elements you like to the ceremony like hand fasting, broom jumping or first high five! Another added bonus of this option is you can have the wedding anywhere instead of a place ‘legally ordained for the purposes of weddings’ which in England means somewhere with a roof- that widens the options; festival, field, back garden, mountain.
If you don’t opt to go down the celebrant route as you’re getting married in a place of worship or rather not have two services, then other ways you can make your ceremony nontraditional is by choosing music and readings that you wouldn’t normally expect at a wedding but means something to you. We’ve all heard the same cheesy readings like ‘advice for a good marriage’ or ‘Corinthians’ how about a exert from Whinnie the Pooh or your favourite song
If you want more ideas check out my blog on alternative wedding readings.
Non-traditional Wedding outfits!
Say it with me now- Ladies don’t have to wear white dresses! Men don’t have to wear shit suits! Your outfit doesn’t have to be expensive!
Phew now I’ve got that out the way- a popular search on google is What is a non-traditional wedding dress or non-traditional wedding outfit- in short, it’s anything that deviates form the above, think dresses that are colorful, wedding jumpsuits, nice suits that have personality, wearing shorts, or most dramatic of them all- not buying something expensive and that you’ll only wear once.
My rules for choosing your wedding outfit-
1. Choose something you LOVE – don’t compromise cause Aunt Cathy thinks you should wear white or force yourself to wear a dress if it’s not your thing. Pick what you love and go for it!
2. Be Comfy – it’s your day and if you don’t feel 100% in it or feel like you can’t breathe then it’s not worth it- that especially goes for shoes!!! (love a Doc wearing couple on a wedding day)
3. Think outside the box when it comes to where you look for your outfit- there are some great second hand and charity bridal shops, so look around if you want to stretch your budget.
Your non-traditional Wedding breakfast
It’s just a meal, right? How hard can it be? Well, when you’re tying to feed the masses suddenly everyone has an opinion- even if you’re vegan you have to provide for the meat eaters, Wedding breakfasts are sit down 3 courses, no one can agree how beef should be cooked so you should go for chicken… and on and on… I’m telling you now you don’t have to go down this route. Having a non-traditional wedding means if you want to serve pizza you can, if you rather have a BBQ cook out, Afternoon tea, cheese for pudding, local street food, Vegan only, then the choice is yours, all I insist on is you feed your photographer.
Which brings me to another deviation from the normal, if your take on a non-traditional wedding breakfast means no seating chart, then go for it! Planning the seating chart always seems to be the thing that stresses out couples the most, so if it’s just easier to go loosy goosy and let people have free reign then why not! Especially if you opt for your own sweet heart table that’s just for you and means you can have a much needed one on one time.
What does the reception of a non-traditional wedding look like?
So, standard wedding practice now is, drinks reception, wedding breakfast, cut cake, first dance, then either DJ or function band till the rest of the evening. This suits a lot of people and there are a couple of ways we can revamp this normal order- like hiring a DJ who you actually enjoy to play specifically your taste in music, imagine a whole hour of pop punk bangers! Or a specific band, like a local band you enjoy or like my couple Ellie and Brad did last year – hire a Rock and Roll band that meant the dance floor was full the whole night!
But what if this sounds like your worst nightmare? Just cause it’s expected doesn’t mean you have to have a dance floor in the evening here’s some ideas instead-
A Cèilidh- an evening of guided dance from Scotland which is actually a lot of fun and gets everyone involved.
Set up a load of board games and a snack station so people can chat and play late into the night
If you’re a fan of a pub quiz why not host your own quiz night or ask one of your guests to write one, you could even have a round on you two!
If you’re foodies why not plan a long meal like they do in the Mediterranean, lots of courses, plenty of time to chat and catch up with those around you and serve some gorgeous food
A camp out- get some fire pits, marshmallows and if anyone’s feeling talented, some guitars and have a scout style camp out. Just make sure to grab some blankets.
Tradition Yay or Nay-
One thing that can really stick in some people’s throats are the bizarre traditions that come with weddings, so here is a quick-fire round of Tradition Yay or Nay. What seemingly random things would you drop in place of doing your own thing- and what would you keep because you actually like it?
1. Your dad walking you down the Aisle- My dad passed away before my wedding so instead I chose to have my step father, but other options include having both parents, your mum, sister, dog or going solo!
2. Bridesmaids and Groomsmen being gender specific- if your closest peeps are girls or guys, I get it but I see no reason to exclude one of your closest friend just cause their not the same gender as you.
3. Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed & Something Blue-an age-old Victorian rhyme we’ve all heard but is it really necessary?
4. Couples not being allowed to see each other before the ceremony- There are options for this- getting ready together, having a first look or walking down the Ailse together. I had one groom say ‘I’m not going to stand there waiting for her like a Muppet’ when I ask him why they walked down the Aisle together.
5. Cutting the cake in the evening- you could choose not to have a cake and have a pork pie instead, Cut it after your ceremony or forego if the thought of doing this in front of everyone makes you feel awkward then skip it all together or do it privately.
6. Bouquet or Garter toss- did you know the Bouquet toss stems from being an alternative to the awkward garter toss. Both seem unnecessary now and a waste of some beautiful flowers.
7. Giving out Favours- This one is really personal preference, some will tell you they’re a waste of money, others use it as a way to show off their personality.
Which Traditions should you choose to follow?
I know this is a Blog on how to have an untraditional wedding, but that’s not to say I don’t think traditions have their place, it’s about choosing the ones that suit you. Traditions can be a great way to bring two family’s cultures together, whether they have set traditions or as a nice way to honor how you as a family do things. For example, on the large scale you have hybrid weddings that bring what’s important to the couple from two cultures like Indian and English. For me I did it on a small scale like asking my mum to raise a glass to absent friends in her speech, a duty that’s usually left to the Groom, as it’s ‘tradition’ in our family for her to do this at Christmas as her father did before her. Think about what is symbolic and important in you and your partners life and use these tokens as ways to truly personalize your day.
Last year I shot at a wedding where one of the brides was ex-Army and it’s traditional in the Military to do a port toas to the commander and chief at mess dinners. So instead of a Champagne toast during the speeches, they had a port toast instead- simple but an ingenious way to make their day unique and memorable.
Do what makes you happy and question things that don’t
I was having a pre wedding catch up with one of my couples last week and we were discussing speeches, The groom really doesn’t want to give a speech, and it got me thinking- he doesn’t have to! If there is something in your day that you really don’t want then you don’t have to do it or you can alter how you do it. For example, instead of a speech you could write everyone a note and leave in their place setting telling them how grateful you are that they shared your day with them or you could do the speech as a pair to lighten the load.
Another case of this I’ve seen is a couple who were really shy and the thought of being on show made them anxious; opting for an intimate ceremony, where they then joined their extended family and friends for their meal and then had a private First dance later on. This suited them and made their day more enjoyable as they were more relaxed.
Don’t let tradition or other peoples input stop you from having what you want from your day.
Looking for a Photographer?
Hi! I’m Jade, A Buckingham based photographer who loves vibrant and authentic wedding photography.
If you are looking for someone who is passionate about capturing your personality and allowing you to have a fun filled wedding without the stuffy posing then we’re a good fit!
